The boys brought a lady goat back from the forest one morning. Assuming it must have gotten lost from his owner and other goat friends, they thought finders keepers. For the last few weeks we’d actually been talking about getting an animal to eat, but I was thinking a cow, not this scrawny runt that had just turned up. We started feeding it and taking it for walks. So as not to complicate things by personalising the goat, we settled on “Goaty” as a name. She wouldn’t dare make any noise at night times in fear of being eaten by jackals or big snakes, but at the break of dawn she’d get lonely and start Ba-ing away until somebody came along to pat her on the head. So Goaty became useful as an alarm clock – she’d wake up one of us who would then get out of bed and take her for a short walk over to my house or somebody else’s, tie her to a tree outside where she would moan and whine in the most irritating, needy tone until you’d have to wake up and give her some attention.
She got very lonely. We talked about getting a male goat to help us make more goats and milk etc, but Goaty soon became pretty annoying. Talk of “Mutton Mo-mo’s” and other goat-based dishes became more and more frequent. I wanted to kill the goat for personal reasons; I’ve always felt like a bit of a hypocrite having spent my whole life as a meat-eater but never having killed an animal, but I didn’t particularly want to eat Goaty. I’d seen more appealing goats… One of the guys actually seemed pretty excited by the idea of killing the Goat – even though he had no intention of eating it – and began listing many creative and disturbing ways in which it could be done. We didn’t actually do that though; Goaty had a future which didn’t involve masala.
After many days of uncoiling Goaty from her leash, which she’d stupidly wound around herself until she couldn’t move, and hours spent endlessly walking her from one spot to a more sociable one where she might shut-up, we finally gave her away. We knew a farmer who was happy to take her and had a need for her. Two guys came over, said they were here for the goat, then drove off with her on their motorbike.